15 BEST HINTS ABOUT LIFE.....

15 Very Best of Hints for Life" vinnineville

1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return.
But what is more painful is to love someone and never
find the courage to let that person know how you feel.

2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who
means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was
never meant to be and you just have to let go.

3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a
porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away
feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

4. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose
it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been
missing until it arrives.

5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an
hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it
takes a lifetime to forget someone.

6. Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth,
even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you
smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day
seem bright.

7. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go,
be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and
one chance to do all the things you want to do.

8. Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it
hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.

9. A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck
a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may
heal and bless.

10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best
of everything they just make the most of everything that comes
along their way.

11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with
a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone
around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die,
you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying. 

12.  Live with no excuses and love with no regrets 

13. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why its called the present.  

14. At age 4 success is not peeing in your pants.
     At age 12 success is having friends.
     At age 16 success is having a drivers license.
     At age 20 success is having sex.
     At age 35 success is having money.
     At age 50 success is having money.
     At age 60 success is having sex.
     At age 70 success is having a drivers license.
     At age 75 success is having friends.
     At age 80 success is not peeing in your pants.

15. Life's Highs...

1. Laughing hysterically
2. Dancing your heart out
3. Star gazing
4. Shopping
5. Going to the beach
6. Listening to the rain
7. Ice-cream on a hot day
8. Feeling wanted
9. Getting that warm, fuzzy feeling when you think about the one you love
10. Receiving text messages
11. Personal jokes
12. Compliments
13. Late night phone calls
14. Christmas
15. Hugs
16. Kisses
17. Knowing someone misses you
18. Knowing someone is thinking of you
19. Good dreams
20. Skipping school for a day
21. Lying on the grass starring into the sky
22. Going up to the snow
23. Jumping into a warm bed on a cold night
24. Seeing your guys/girls name on your mobile when it rings
25. Your first kiss
26. Talking for hours about absolutely nothing
27. Looking back on the laughs
28. Receiving presents
29. Giving presents
30. Birthdays
31. Air conditioning when it's hot
32. Being full of energy
33. Seeing your boyfriend/girlfriend
34. Watching someone do something stupid, and them thinking no one saw
35. Nice smelling perfume/cologne/deodorant
36. Good hair days
37. Turning on the radio to hear that your favourite song is being played
38. Running into an old friend
39. Strolling along the pier at night
40. Finding Ksh100 on the ground
41. Being home alone
42. Reading a good magazine
43. Sun baking
44. Sleeping in
45. Watching the sun come up
46. Seeing a shooting star
47. Waking up to find the person you love in your arms
48. Weekends
49. Holidays
50. Jumping on a trampoline
51. Sitting infront on the fire on a cold evening
52. Smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies
53. Singing into your hairbrush in your room
54. Getting away with something.
55. Turning up your sterio as loud as it will go
56. Being so happy it makes you cry
57. Demonstrating with a huge group
58. Finally completing somthing you started a long time ago
58. Achieving a long time goal
59. Warm nights
60. Falling in love...

 

PROMULGATION D-DAY

VINNIEVILLE D -DAY

• Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak … sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go....KATIBA MZEE....
• God grant us the PEOPLE OF THE REPUBLIC OF KENYA the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and wisdom to know the difference.
• Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.    
• The road to success is not straight. There is a curb called Failure, a loop called Confusion; speed bumps called Friends; red lights called Enemies;caution lights called Family. You will have flats called jobs. But, if you have a spare called Determination; an engine called Perseverance; insurance called Faith, and a driver called Jesus, you will make it to a place called Success!!..THE NEW KENYA....BRANDS ITSELF CROSS THE SKY IN BRIGHT COLOURS... 
  
• If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging......
• In the eyes of a child you will see...the world as it should be...
• Many people have ideas on how others should change; few people have ideas on how they should change. 
• "You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions." WHERE IS KENYA HEADED TO????
• I've learned-
  That you cannot make someone love you, all you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them that no matter how much I care, some people just don't came back.
  I've learned-
  That it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it. That it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.
  I've learned -
  That you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you better know something. That you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do. That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
  I've learned-
  That it's taking me a long time to become the person that I want to be. That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
  I've learned-
  That you can keep going long after you can't. That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
  I've learned-
  That either you control your attitude or it controls you. That regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is a first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
  I've learned-
  That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. That money is a lousy way of keeping score.
  I've learned-
  That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time. That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you are down will be the ones to help you get back up.
  I've learned-
  That sometimes when I get angry I have the right to be angry, but it doesn't give me the right to be cruel. That true friendship continues to grow over the longest distance, and the same goes for true love.
  I've learned-
  That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
  I've learned-
  That you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what tragedy it would be if they believed it. That no matter how good your friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while, and you must forgive them for that.
  I've learned-
  That it isn't always good enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you must learn to forgive yourself. That no matter how bad a heart is broken; the world doesn't stop for your grief.
  I've learned-
  That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for whom we become. That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean that they don't love each other, and just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
  I've learned-
  That we don't have to change friends, if we understand that friends change. That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
  I've learned-
  That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you. That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
  I've learned-
  That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
  ¢¾that the people you care about the most in life are taken from you too soon ¢¾
  I've learned-
  That it¡¯s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting someone¡¯s feelings or standing up for what you believe. That no matter what happens to me on earth or how much my faith falters, God's faith in me never dwindles or fails.
  I've learned-
  That life's lessons never end and wisdom can always be passed on.
• 
  
• 
  
• 
  
• 
  
• TO ALL KENYANS LAZIMA...."WE BE THE CHANGE WE WISH TO SEE IN THE WORLD...!!"
• TUKO MBELE....JAMAA
•  
• VINNIE KERICH.....

Vinnie Kerich Birthday Specials

Hi....This is a dedication to all my friends...as I grow older...!!!.. I hope u understand that u guys mean a world to me, I appreciate every one of you, I treasure our FRIENDSHIP..!!!!..N LUV U.....Mnanifeel sio??

1. A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws. 
2. When we first talked to each other
   I knew we would always be friends.
   Our friendship has kept on growing
   And I'll be here for you to the end.
   
   You listen when I have a problem
   And help dry the tears from my face.
   You take away my sorrow
   And put happiness in its place.
   
   We can't forget the fun we've had
   Laughing 'til our faces turn blue.
   Talking of things only we find funny
   People think we're insane-If they only knew!
   
   I guess this is my way of saying thanks
   For catching me when I fall.
   Thanks once again for being such a good friend
   And being here with me through it all.  
3. A friend is someone who can see the truth and pain in you even when you are fooling everyone else.
4. "If you're alone, I'll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I'll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I'll be your smile... But anytime you need a friend, I'll just be me." 
5. It's the times we're so crazy,
   that people think we're high.
   It's the times we laugh so hard,
   we can't help but cry.
   It's all the inside jokes
   and "remember whens".
   those are all the reasons
   that we're best friends! 
6. The words that escape a friend's mouth are "I'll be there when you say you need me" but the words that are unheard from a true friend's heart are "I'll be there... whether you say you need me or not." 
7. Sometimes in life, you find a special friend. Someone who changes your life just by being part of it. Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop. Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world. Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it. This is forever friendship. When you're down and the world seems dark and empty, your forever friend lifts you up in spirit and makes that dark and empty world suddenly seem bright and full. Your forever friend gets you through the hard times, the sad times and the confused times. If you turn and walk away, your forever friend follows. If you lose your way, your forever friend guides you and cheers you on. Your forever friend hold your hand and tells you that everything is going to be okay. And if you find such a friend, you feel happy and complete because you need not worry. You have a forever friend, and forever has no end. 
8. Friends ' Best Friends
   
   Friend: calls your parents by mr. and mrs.
   Best friend: calls your parents by their first names.
   
   Friend: has never seen you cry
   Best friend: has always had the best shoulder to cry on
   
   Friend: never asks for anything to eat or drink
   Best friend: opens the fridge and makes herself at home
   
   Friend: asks you to write down your number.
   Best friend: they ask you for their number
   (cuz they can't remember it!)
   
   Friend: borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
   Best friend: has a closet full of your stuff
   
   Friend: only knows a few things about you
   Best friend: could write a biography on your life story
   
   Friend: will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing
   Best friend: will always go with you
9. Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say. 
10. "When it hurts to look back, and you're afraid to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there."

    FRIENDSHIP ... NEVA ENDS.. 

Yours Joel Simel Tumpes.....!!!

Referendum with love...... Now check it out..!!!

"WHAT EACH KISS MEANS"
- Kiss on the Forehead: We're cute together .
- Kiss on the Cheek: We're friends.
- Kiss on the Hand: I adore you.
- Kiss on the Neck: I want you, now.
- Kiss on the Shoulder: Your perfect.
- Kiss on the Lips: I LOVE YOU...
____________________________________________________
WHAT EACH GESTURE MEANS:
- Holding Hands: We definitely like each other.
- Holding you tight pressed against each other: I want you.
- Looking into each other's Eyes: I like you, for who you are.
- Playing with Hair: Let's fool around.
- Arms around the Waist: I like you too much to let go.
- Laughing while Kissing: I am completely comfortable with you.
____________________________________________________
ADVICE:
- If you were thinking about someone while reading this, you're definitely
in Love......As in 4 Real!!!!
____________________________________________________
REQUIREMENTS:
- Add this to ur favorites after reading!!
Or you will have a bad year of Relationships.
____________________________________________________
IF YOU (LIKE), (LOVE), OR (MISS) SOMEONE RIGHT NOW:
- and can't get them out of your head.
- then add this to ur favorites within One Minute and Whoever you are missing
will surprise you.
____________________________________________________

...... then this morning I received this email....

"Last night i sent an angel to watch over u while u were sleeping. It came back early and i asked it why? Its said "Angels don't watch other Angels".......!!!! ....I think my boss is the only one who doesn't see......!!!?

_______________________________________________________________________________

JOEL TUMPES

Wasee wote I got an Announcement to make........

Joel Tumpes...Mr. Chairman.....Running for MP Kajado North 2012....Wasee wote yaani...we need you to show your sincere support and Love...Huyu ni Boy Wetu...Hausio...????

Facebook......Joel Simel Tumpes

____________________________________________________________________________________

Okay and lastly.. I was just thinkin'.. as Ruto said...the YES HAVE HAD THEIR WAY while the NO HAVE HAD THEIR SAY......but lets face it, we heard yo, right....do you think Kibaki 'll give you guys a chance...!!! ?????
 ____________________________________________________

Vinnieville Jokes.... 

Was Just wondering...Na hii weekend vipi imenianzia na Homa...!!!!..But..

1. Someday your prince charming will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.  
2. People have the right to be stupid. Some people abuse that privilege. 
3. "People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day."  
4. Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you? 
5. The next time you think you're perfect, try walking on water  
6. Random things that are useless.....But Facts and its gonna keep you thinkin'.....
   *Ducks quacks don't echo. No one knows why.
   *Hitler's mother thought about having an abortion, but was talked out of it by her doctor.
   *We shed 40 pounds of skin in a lifetime.
   *Like fingerprints, everyones tongueprint is different.
   *Right handed people live on average 9 years longer than left handed people
   *A person uses approximately fifty-seven sheets of toilet paper each day
   *In Singapore, it is illegal to sell or own chewing gum
   *"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
   *A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
   *Coca-Cola would be green if colouring weren’t added to it.
   *Donald Duck was banned in Finland for a while because he doesn't wear pants.
   *The longest word in the English language is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.
   *111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
   *The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan."
   *The manufacturing documentation for a Jumbo Jet weighs more than a Jumbo Jet.
   *If electrodes are inserted at opposite ends of a pickle, and electricity is passed through, the pickle will glow.
   *The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
   *Mel Blanc, the voice of Bugs Bunny, was allergic to carrots.
   *40% of cases a pizza will arrive sooner than an ambulance.
   *Most toliets flush in E-flat.
   *It is believed that Shakespeare was 46 around the time that the King James Version of the Bible was written. In Psalms 46, the 46th word from the first word is shake and the 46th word from the last word is spear.
   *The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in jelly.
   *In the average lifetime, a person will walk the equivalent of 5 times around the equator.
   *A hummingbird weighs less than a penny.
   *The longest one-syllable word is "screeched."
   *Frowning burns more calories than smiling.
   *1/4 of the bones in your body are in your feet.
   *The average woman consumes 6 pounds of lipstick in her lifetime.
   *The bullfrog is the only animal that never sleeps.
   *If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn white.
   *A ball of glass will bounce higher that a ball of rubber.
   *Children grow faster in the spring.
   *On average, a human being will spend up to 2 weeks kissing in his/her lifetime.
   *Mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas.
   *A sneeze travels out of your mouth at over100 miles per hour.
   *Some ribbon worms will eat themselves if they cant find any food.
   *A "dude" is an infected hair on an elephants butt.
   *The average person has a total of 6 pounds of skin.
   *Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.
   *On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
   *On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.
   *Red is the most commonly colored vehical involved in accidents each year.
   *The swastika was origionaly a symbol of peace and honor and is still used by Buddhists today.
   *Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
   *Shakespeare invented the words "assassination" and "bump."
   *In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
   *American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
   *The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
   *Marilyn Monroe had 6 toes
7. Girl: Will you remember me in an hour?
   Guy: yes
   Girl: a day?
   Guy: yes
   Girl: a year?
   Guy: yes
   Girl: Eternity?
   Guy: yes
   Girl: Knock knock
   Guy: who's there?
   Girl: i thought you said youd remember me.... 
8. what's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives girls crazy?.......................................................................... MONEY!!! 
9. Arms are for hugging
   Boys are for kissing
   Sluts are for dissing
   And best friends are for
   when the boy is kissing
   the slut and all you really
   need is that hug 
10. Don't drink and drive--smoke and fly 
11. It is difficult to be stupid... competition is huge... 
12. "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography." 
13. "We have women in the military, but we don't put them in the front lines. We don't know if they can fight or if they can kill. I think they can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms."  
14. If you saw a sign with a red button below it and the sign read " Do not push button". Would you push the button???
 

Just the very best of UR Lawyer Jokes......

All lawyer reading this..!!am just a Comic...!!Anyway just try to laugh..!!!

Lawyer Jokes

1. Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
   A: Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
2. What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
   A good start!
3. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
   His lips are moving.
4. How does an attorney sleep?
   First he lies on one side, and then on the other.
5. How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a picture?
   Just say "Fees!"
6. A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
   "Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client.
   "Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"
   "Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"
   "Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"
7. Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
   A: Senator/ MP
8. Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
   A: You cry when you cut up an onion.
9. Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 70?
   A: Your honor.
10. Lawyer and Engineer
    A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Migingo Island when they got to talking. The lawyer mentioned, "I'm here because my house burned down and everything got destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."
    "That's quite a coincidence," remarked the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood. My insurance company, too, paid for everything."
    There was a brief pause, and then the puzzled lawyer asked, "How do you start a flood?"
11. Minister and Lawyer in Heaven
    A minister and a lawyer arrived at the pearly gates, Saint Peter greeted both of them and gave them their room assignments.
    "Pastor, here are the keys to one of our nicest efficiency units. And for you, sir, the keys to our finest penthouse suite."
    "This is unfair!" cried the minister.
    "Listen," Saint Peter said, "ministers are a dime a dozen up here, but this is the first lawyer we've ever seen."
12. Two Kinds of Lawyers
    There are two kinds of lawyers: those who know the law and those who know the judge.
13. Q: If you have a bad lawyer, why not get a new one?
    A: Changing lawyers is like moving to a different deck chair on the Titanic.

Vinnieville Lawyer jokes

Just alot more of the Vinnieville Jokes...!!

1. The important thing is not winning, it's making everyone else lose. 
   
2. u wrote me a note and it said "n ss!w !" ...it didnt make sense till i turned it upside down!! 
   
3.  "An airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served them food and drinks.
   
   As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and Announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing this big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."
   
   On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed a well-dressed rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
   
   She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one."
   
   To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you.
   Tray-up, Bi***."
4. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
5. You can get more of what you want with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word. 
   
6. "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups." 
7. Reality is an illusion caused by a shortage of alcohol. 
8. Ever noticed how all women's problems begin with men?
   MENtal illness....MENstrual cramps... MENtal breakdown... MENopause... GUYnocologist ! 
9. There are two words guys hate: Don't and Stop...Unless those words are spoken together. 
10. Relieving Stress in Class
    
    1. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board.
    2. Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip the pages out of your textbook.
    3. Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters "CHECK YOUR FLY". (At Least for the Male profs.)
    4. Address the professor as "your excellency".
    5. When the professor turns on his laser pointer, scream "AAAGH! MY EYES!"
    6. Relive your Junior High days by leaving chalk stuffed in the chalkboard erasers.
    7. Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, and ask the professor if he's been drinking.
    8. Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even it's Smith. Claim that the i is silent.
    9. Sit in the front row reading the professor's graduate thesis and snickering.
    10. Feign an unintelligible accent and repeatedly ask, "Vet ozzle haffen dee henvay?" Become agitated when the professor can't understand you.
    11. Wink at the professor every few minutes. (Hey you might even get a date if he/she is cute.)
    12. Every few minutes, take a sheet of notebook paper, write "Signup Sheet #5" at the top, and start passing it around the room.
    13. Start a "wave" in a large lecture hall.  
11. HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
    * Show up naked ...
    * Bring food ...
    * Don't block the TV 
12. HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN.
    * Wine her,
    * Dine her,
    * Call her,
    * Hug her,
    * Support her,
    * Hold her,
    * Surprise her,
    * Compliment her,
    * Smile at her,
    * Listen to her,
    * Laugh with her,
    * Cry with her,
    * Romance her,
    * Encourage her,
    * Believe in her,
    * Pray with her,
    * Pray for her,
    * Cuddle with her,
    * Shop with her,
    * Give her jewelry,
    * Buy her flowers,
    * Hold her hand,
    * Write love letters to her,
    * Go to the end of the Earth and back again for her.
13. How To Annoy People On An Airplane
    
    1. Act like a movie star.
    2. Ask someone for their autograph, pretending that you think they're Tom Cruise or Madonna. (This best when the person looks nothing like the movie star in question.)
    3. Ask the guy next to you to hold your dentures (senior citizens only).
    4. Ask the person next to you, "Are you in the Witness Protection program too?"
    5. Bring a "Word-a-Day" calendar on board with you. Read every single word aloud and attempt to use it in a sentence. Use them all incorrectly. "My, you have a very irate home,' she said governessly."
    6. Bring a cellular phone. Call God. Say, "The reception is much clearer up here...."
    7. Bring a duffel bag packed with pipe cleaners, styrofoam balls, construction paper, etc. Organize a "Kraft Korner". Make a craft likeness of the person sitting next to you. Give yourself an "F".
    8. Bring a microphone and act like Frank Sinatra.
    9. Bring your computer keyboard without a monitor. Place it on your lap. Stare into the palm of your hand. Wait. Push the return key a few times. Yell out "Yes! Alright! I told them I didn't need a laptop!" Plug the headphones into your nostril and play Doom.
    10. Call the stewardess "nurse".
    11. Continually offer to share your "Beano".
    12. Decorate. Bring a scatter rug and tiny draperies. Hang a "Home Sweet Home" plaque on the back of the seat in front of you. Invite your fellow passengers in for tea.
    13. Disco dance in the aisle.
    14. Don't use deoderant, then "accidently" stick your armpit in someone's face.
    15. During the inflight movie, ask to share headphones with someone.
    16. Explain how, one time, the plane was crashing and the oxygen masks didn't come out, 'cause they aren't really reliable, and that if the plane was to crash, everyone would die.
    17. Fart loudly and act shocked, looking around to see who did it.
    18. Fiddle around with the emergency exit, then ask a fellow passenger if he has a crowbar.
    19. Get some rub-on tattoos and a leather jacket, pretend that you belong to a biker gang.
    20. Go into the bathroom and make rude bodily noises, then come out looking refreshed.
    21. Go into the bathroom, drop your pants, then come out, yelling "We're out of toilet paper! Stewardess!"
    22. Go into the cockpit, ask the pilot in an obnoxious voice "Why do the call it the COCKpit?" then snort as if it's the funniest thing in the world.
    23. If someone has a bad toupee, whack it off.
    24. Jump up and scream "AAAHHH!! I left the stove on!!"
    25. Lead a bible study session in the back of the plane.
    26. Lead a revolt against the first class passengers.
    27. Lean back in your seat, fold your arms behind your head and exclaim, "Thank God for auto-pilot, eh?"
    28. Mess up your hair, untuck your shirt, basically look crude, and mingle with a first class guy as if you were long-lost friends.
    29. Moon passing Delta planes.
    30. No matter what the meal choices are, demand rice-a-roni.
    31. Pick your nose and pat the person next to you.
    32. Pinch the stewardess' butt as she passes.
    33. Pretend you're flying the plane.
    34. Put on a ten foot diameter sombrero and slouch in your seat, whacking everyone on the head.
    35. Remark that perhaps you shouldn't have put superglue in your undies that morning.  
14. 30 Things Guys Want Girls To Know
    1. We're not as perverted as you think we all are
    2. No matter what YOU say, your ex-boyfriend IS a
    LOSER.
    3. We like you to give us hugs and kisses sometimes too.
    4. Don't argue with us when we call you beautiful.
    5. Don't treat us like crap, what goes around comes around.
    6. We know you're pretty, that's one of the reasons we're going out with you.
    7. Don't go into detail about your period. It scares us.
    8. If you have cramps and we ask you what's wrong, just tell us it's that time of the month and nothing more.
    9. If you really liked us for us, you would let us
    think that our mustache, beard, or sideburns looked cool.
    10. We never shave our legs. So get over it.
    11. NEVER ask us if you can put makeup on us. It's just wrong.
    12. Don't make bets about us, because one of your friends will tell us, if you don't.
    13. When we tell you that you're not fat, believe
    us.
    14. We absolutely do not care about the Backstreet
    Boys, NSYNC,98 Degrees, or what any other guy looks like for that matter.
    15. We may not be able to pee accurately all of the time, but at least we can stand up and go
    pee.
    16. Just cause you think you're always right,
    doesn't mean that you don't have to apologize when you do something "wrong."
    17. You expect us to say and do sweet things for
    you, but it would be nice if you did the same every once in a while. We like to know that you love us.
    18. We can't always be spontaneous, so try to help us make the plans sometimes.
    19. Don't ask us to beat up another guy for you,
    cause you might get what you wish for.
    20. Never kick us in the nuts "just to see what we would say". That's just mean.
    21. Never pretend like you are going to break up with us and laugh when we believe you.
    22. Pamela Anderson's boobs aren't fake anymore, but we like yours better anyways
    23. Size doesn't matter, except to idiots who don't want a relationship.
    24. PMS is not an excuse.
    25. If you want us to put the seat down when we're
    done you should put it up when you're done.
    26. Don't tell us how cute your ex-boyfriend was.
    That doesn't turn us on.
    27. And remember: The way to a guys heart is through his stomach.. and maybe..oh nevermind.
    28. NEVER ask us to kiss other guys. You might be
    that comfy with your friends, but to us it's just wrong
    29. We always notice how funny it is after your rip out our heart, stick it down our throat and still want to be friends.
    30. And last but not least: We know you're not
    always right, but we'll pretend like you are anyway. 
15. Life is like a d***
    when it gets hard
    F*** IT!
16. If you can't amaze people with your intelligence, confuse them with your bulls**t.
17. it goes in dry,
    it comes out wet,
    the longer its in,
    the better it gets,
    when it comes out,
    it drips and sags,
    ............................
    U R NASTY ......stop thinking .........
    it's a tea bag!
18. To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the
    glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big
    as it needs to be.
19. 18 Fun Things To Do In A Final That Does Not Matter (i.e. You are going to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the final exam)
    
    1) Get the copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!"
    2) Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
    3) Bring cheerleaders.
    4) Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
    5) On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
    6) Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
    7) Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas!" If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
    8) Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.
    9) Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
    10) Turn in the eam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
    11) Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks you why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
    12) Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
    13) Bring a water pistol with you. 'Nuff said.
    14) From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
    15) One word: Wrestlemania.
    16) Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
    17) Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc . . . sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
    18) Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think." bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the secion on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so.".
20. WhEn A mAn TaLkS dIrTy To A wOmAn, ItS sExUaL hArAsSmEnT, wHeN a WoMaN tAlKs DiRtY tO a MaN, iT's $3.95 PeR mInUtE